Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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