is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
