Someone shit on the floor
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
