turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
