There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
