they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
