so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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