Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
