Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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