omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
