Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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