Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
