just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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