I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
