after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
