my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
