guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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