It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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