He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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