So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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