So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
