Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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