3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You were trust falling into bushes
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