You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
