bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize