He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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