Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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