OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
