sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
