He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
