He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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