I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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