i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You're like the curious george of whores
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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