When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
