Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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