There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
