i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
