we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
