I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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