Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
