some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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