Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
