why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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