just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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