I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
