glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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