So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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