yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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