There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
