I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
