If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
