You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All the doctor said was why
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
