I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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