and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
