I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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