so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
