We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
